The grey rock technique (additionally known as “grey rocking”) shouldn’t be a proper psychological method to communication. It’s a colloquial time period for a solution to emotionally disengage throughout poisonous interactions with manipulative or abusive folks. It’s usually attributed to a 2012 weblog by which a author described making an attempt to behave as essentially the most boring factor they might consider (a grey rock) in interactions with poisonous or narcissistic folks.
As curiosity in narcissism rose on social media, the grey rocking time period (and approach) grew in reputation.
The thought is to bore folks into leaving you alone, shortening their interplay with you, or decreasing some sort of undesirable habits, explains Mitchell Hale, a psychotherapist in Los Angeles with Sawtelle Psychotherapy Group. He says it’s usually used when it’s troublesome so that you can set a boundary with this individual, or they received’t respect the boundaries you’ve already set, and it’s arduous to vary your atmosphere to keep away from them fully. It’s additionally helpful when direct confrontation is unsafe or unlikely to work, Dr. Nadkarni provides.
The method is just like how dad and mom may react to a toddler throwing a tantrum, Nadkarni says: When you decrease your response to the emotional meltdown, the kid will likely be much less more likely to behave that manner sooner or later.
One other real-world instance: a coworker who frequently engages in manipulative behaviors. Grey rocking could embrace minimizing the variety of conferences and workplace conversations you will have with them. If you do work together, you may react with indifferent responses and stay emotionally impartial to remain out of the drama or manipulation, says Nadkarni. This will contain utilizing one-word responses, limiting your facial expressions, and remaining calm when responding, she explains.
That impartial response isn’t what a narcissist is in search of. “They might not get any pleasure out of the response and simply transfer on,” Hale says. That’s in step with broader psychological analysis that implies the frequency or energy of sure realized behaviors will decline if that habits is not bolstered.
Grey Rock Methodology vs. Stonewalling
Grey rocking may sound just like giving somebody the chilly shoulder or the silent remedy, which is commonly known as stonewalling. However there are some necessary distinctions between the 2, specifically the intent behind the motion. Stonewalling entails withdrawing and never speaking as a protection mechanism when a battle turns into too emotionally troublesome to deal with, although some additionally use stonewalling to control the opposite individual.
“I consider stonewalling [as] … deliberately stopping the dialog to train some form of energy with the dialog,” Hale says.
Stonewalling and grey rocking each contain limiting your participation in a dialog or interplay. However they differ as a result of stonewalling is definitely a solution to have interaction within the battle (by withdrawing), whereas grey rocking is a solution to keep away from battle altogether and defend your self, Hale explains.
With grey rocking, you don’t fully ignore the opposite individual, Nadkarni says. “You simply have interaction minimally to attempt to scale back reinforcement and make contact with in order that the manipulative habits then goes down as a result of that individual not desires to have interaction with you.”
